im damn pissd. very pissd. but not so0 much now. i have very po0r memory and feelins. whad i mean is that i cant remember that very well whad happen just now in scho0l which was only about 1 hour ago! and not forgettin my feelins which goes de same way as my memory. that means i dont feel that much anger now compared to an hour ago. sometimes its irritatin. but its to my advantage because i start each day brand new and worry-free.
Friday, August 27, 2004
tis was whad happened.
i was walking to de auditorium after practisin basketball with my chinese classmates to see whether de teachers day audition is stil on. passin by 04b3 and saw yatie n sonia inside. they were practisin for their item. actually only sonia and umairah that were 'dancin' because they were actually choreographin de steps! i didnt know then. i wantd to enter de class but everyone was lo0kin so0 not friendly. so i askd to speak to yatie and tell her that ill wait for them. so okay lah then i made my way to de audi. in de audi de interns for de sc were busy preparin for de day. i wantd to help but somehow nimi just borrowd my scissors. and i was bored. so i went back to 04b3 and wantd so badly to0 watch. i went in and lo0kd at de 'dance'. honestly, it was like shit. i guess thats whad de rest was feelin and thinkin as well. (actually they couldnt be bothered!!!!) NOoNE else were bothered to give suggestions and al! they just lo0kd at umairah n sonia. and their steps were kinda crap (no offense) then i came into de picture and startd givin alot of nonsense to help them. so de song, from abba, was changed to mcfly. but i wasnt de only one that agreed to de changes made. ravi and umairah to0 think that de song was to0 slow to dance unless they wanna do contemporary la. but de theme is retro. so from there slowly people who were already bored and irritated because their time was wasted, left. it came to apart that i almost flare up damn badly. thing is, de rest were just dependin on umairah and sonia! umairah has mental block. understandable coz of al de pressure put to her to choreograph. i was pressurised as well even though it wasnt even my class! because they have to show de sc by tmrw de whole performance! like whad de..! and de others were commentin alot and not helpin ( from whad i heard from yatie). sonia and yatie was damn pissd. EVERYONE WAS PISSD WITH EVERYONE! even I was pissd with my two bestfriends. they (plus de rest of de class who was there) were very pissd with my intrusion. but HELLO!!! i came to help a class, to FINISH their dance by crackin my head to choreograph, which doesnt even bother to say hi to me!!! whad de fuck!!!! when i can go home and study or sleep!!!!!!!!! blo0dy fuckers!!!!!! and im not appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!! no thank you no nothin form de rest! they really couldnt be botherd! blo0dy FUCKERS!!!!!
and i guess you are askin me why i did that. its because i LOVE to dance. it helps me release stress and i truly enjoy it, so0 much more than runnin. but it was stressin me morejust now!!!and i pity umairah even though i dont even talk to her much. and her s0-called friends went home thinkin of de time they had wasted. fuck! they didnt even contribute anythin! whad de HELL is wrong with them!!! ARGH!
but i really admire umairah. she was damn relax and al. not sure why but maybe it was her idea. maybe.
i am super angry with my bestfriends!!!!! luckily i askd and yatie talkd and told me that they were unhappy with my intrusion. fine la! but at least de damn dance is done!!!
seriously speakin, noone appreciates me. only hanis does.
tis is de 2nd time noone aprreciates my effort. de first time was with my own class. i wasnt in de dance and i helpd them complete de whole dance. again no one said thank you. when de next i had my 1o0m nationals to run and i should have been realxin at home. and again! de peeps were angry for my intrusion. i dint ask but i CAN see. it was obvious for both cases.
i just got a msg from sonia. she apologised. yatie had apologised earlier when i let it out to her. whadever la. im okay as long as you say sorry and mean it. im just not gain to help anyone in need anymore.......
but i know that thats not possible cause i love to help others even though it may be a disadvantage to me.
broken by love 6:28 pm
yesterday was like a fairy tale.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
i went to tekong bmtc for de learnin journey. and i met hanis there. actually, i knew that he was goin that day that was why i wanted to go as well. only thing was i didnt know that we will actually meet. cant be to0 confident in anythin ryte.. s0, when we reachd de ferry terminal, i saw a group of sajc peeps. my heart leaped! i scanned de group but didnt wanna make it to0 obvious, so when i didnt see him, i thot he wasnt there. that will be to0 much of a coincidence. but!, my friends rang de alarm when they said that they saw hanis. i was like ' oh god!! really?!!' then i lo0kd out de window and i saw him grinnin from ear to ear. that made my day and melt my heart instantly. then i smiled and waved; and he waved back.
we (mi bartley peeps) to0k de same fast craft (thats whad its calld) as mjc. we kinda blend in. (yeah ryte...) like wan said ' we are like from a Mat scho0l' cos theres like a singh, an indian and 5 chinese guys and the rest are mats. not forgettin 3 girls (actually thats go0d enuff bcos if not for de other two girls from my class who went last minutely, i would be the only girl!)
we were greeted by mr bean's classics that they showd on de big screen while waitin for other scho0ls to arrive. it rained heavily when all de sko0ls were in de auditorium, there were 5 jcs altogether including us, millennians - both bartley and toh tuck campus. i was super irritated when i saw alot of toh tuck peeps there! damn bastard la. de bartley side was only allowed to send a maximum of 30 people and their side, a contingent. damn them la. anw, there was mjc, pjc, acjc, sajc and mi.
de funny part was when Mr Singh (no, not de one i mentiond earlier) our teacher in charge almost told a guy that we were from mjc!! whad de...!! hahaha.. damn slenger.. he was like 'Merid... Millennia Institute' wahahahah.... and when we were in de bus goin back to bartley campus, de mats singh and indian fellas playd truth or dare! actually its only dare. they were like cursing and fuckin here and there (i mean verbally) at de rear of de bus and Mr Singh dont bother. de whole bus can here their swearin becos they were de only ones who were stil energetic... hahhaha... i was just an onlo0ker.. but that whole thing is just to0 long to blog. memories... sigh... so funny.
anw, de whole thing was just a facade. those who went for de bmt thingy will agree. but it does require discipline. thats great, especially for people like me. to cut it short, de whole thingy was ok. people grumble and complaind alot. i cant stand it but i just kept quiet.
and guess whad?! hanis sat beside me in de fast craft when we were returnin to mainland!!! let me tell you how it felt. it felt like someone who you had a major crush on sat beside you and starts talkin to you! (actually, im feelin it now while typin tis entry. i dint felt it that much yesterday. guess de absence makes de heart grows fonder) it was nice and al. felt great.
but i dont like de departin. so0 sad. when i see him walk with his friend a few metres in front of me, it felt like half of me was with him. i was suddenly overwhelmd with emotions. so sad. he lo0ks damn go0d from behind!!!!! bo0 ho0!!!
THANK GOD we met after that!!!!!! it felt so0o0oo0 go0o0o0o0d!!!!! i love him so0o0 much!!!!!! we sat in de rain and were in each others arms noe.. damn sweet huh? hahahah... sorry. im high. anw, i love him so0o0o very much!!!! even though theres other cute guys that im eyein... wahahahahah...
i got malay oral now!!!! fu*k la. gotta go. muahs!!!!
broken by love 10:18 am
yesterday was my 8th month with hanis. i would like to thank him for al that he have done and gone thru for me. i love you darlin!
Monday, August 23, 2004
came from de canteen. had my malay paper today. de first one, compre, was okay i guess. then 2nd paper was de malay a paper so bein first time sittin for it, it was weird! i dont have a clue on how to answer de questions. its very... weird. anw, my frens just left me a while ago to go for accounts extra class. its for those who have any questions to ask and al. i think i better go now.
i miss hanis very much!!!!!
and son, happy burfday!!! old ready man... i mean babe. love you!
broken by love 11:35 am
while waitin for de two 'chis' to come down from de fourth flo0r of tis library building after their econs paper... i decided to blog in.
Friday, August 20, 2004
actually i wanted to blog in just now but al de comps were in used by others.
anw, we gonna study at sonias club but i have a great feelin that we gonna EAT first. yeay!
then im gonna study with hanis after his scho0l ends at around 5.
Gp was tough. il be happy if i passed. so0 happy. anw, thats done. so, 3 more subjects to go! yippee!!
yesterday was a Laughing Day for me. i think three-quarter of my day was spent on laughing. how fun..
ok. i gtg. de chi has called me. im out!
i love you banana.
broken by love 12:16 pm
yeay! im actually de first student to enter de library! hahah.. nonsense.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
anw, im suppose to do my gp now. but whadever.
i just wanna say that im sorry if i had hurt or offended anyone yesterday. yes, i was hurt and offended yesterday but today is a whole new beginning and i totally cant remember how it felt like; to be angry and al. (unless i keep thinkin about it but that will end up with me havin a headache)
well, tis is me. i forget everything so0 super easily. that is why i dont bear any grudges with anyone. unles they're being a real bitch and is also hated by many. but i can stil talk to them like nothinig happened.
its like de 5o first date. im drew barrymore. i forget stufs. and i have de advantage to start each day anew. but i certainly cant forget my dear famiy and friends (and b0yfriend) that have been there to occupy most of my time and heart. with that, i just wanna say thank you to many that have been there and actually accept me as their friend, even though im a lil stupid and blur and irritatin and many more stufs that others may consider me as a pest.
ok. enuff about me. to keep you people updated, my Commom Test is just 2 days away!! whad shit! hahah... and GPs de first paper. but i really thank god for actually helpin me; made my life easier. that is, i was able to drop econs even though it was kinda late to drop de subject after de mid year exams. but anyway, its go0d! cause if i hadnt drop econs, which btw is gettin super difficult ( in my opinion), i would have to whack my brain these 2 days to sit for 2 papers on friday, which will have to be GP and Econs!! fo00.. touchin ay? lucky me....
anw, i think i better go and do my gp now since we have to go thru it later! hahah...
and theres goin to be a concert later during htp (civics lesson). maybe its our scho0l jazz band performin. thats whad i heard from sonia that time. bout de jazz band performin and stufs.
and.... de scho0ls angklung and kolintang ensemble is performin at de esplanade today! (yesterday as well) at 7.30 to 8 and 8.30 to 9. co0l huh! they're damn pro.
o0o0okay then. i must go and catch al de chickens before they run away.....
oh yah.. before that, i wanna let you guys know that..... KEANE ROCKS!
When you, when you forget your name
When old faces all look the same
Meet me in the morning when you wake up
Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up
If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake
Lovesick bitter and hardened heart
Aching waiting for night waiting for life to start
Meet me in the morning when you wake up
Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up
If only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake (2x)
Bend n' Break
Keane (Hopes and Fears)
I Love You Hanis
broken by love 8:25 am
wows!! this is my 1o0th entry!! yeay!
Friday, August 13, 2004
im doin quite alot of unnecessary stuffs now. like checkin out my friendster, goin to write a testimonial for my 'chi' yatie, findin out whad de hell is 'ulik mayang' for my long-overdued-malay-project and not forgettin, updating my blog. im doin al tis except for my hmwk. hah! you rock gerl!
anw, i hope i can do it later.
went studyin with nisa just now. as always, with her, it was never really studyin but me doin for her de work. and lets not forgettin, de bitchin and crappins we do. she engaged me into doin those stuffs just now. not that im blamin her. i was just really lo0kin forward to REAL studyin. guess its best for me to do it with hanis. and i mean studyin!
that day was really somethin. i guess both of us didnt really expect it to happen. and im damn thankful that i didnt really really broke up with him. i cant. de moment i gave him whad i thot was our last hug as a couple, i broke down so terribly that i was convulsin. i just didnt want to let go. and that moment itself made me feel so0 weak; practically half of me was gone.
and i know that that half was him.
i never thot that it would be that bad. i guess im very attached to him. i was overwhelmed by de emptiness and great loss that i felt when we hugged for whad i thot was our last. i love him very much.
i guess its true that "you wont treasure whad you have, until you lose it". it is so true.
I LOVE YOU HANIS. as much as you love me.
coz im so0 irresistible.
broken by love 12:00 am
okay. today is a very slackenin day. i come to scho0l, only to have 2 periods of malay! damn sto0pid la. urgh! and to think that i actually did not wanna come scho0l today, its just damn wasted la. and i had bad tummy ache tis mornin!!! urgh!!!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
i feel damn stopid. well.. not that i was ever clever though.
anyway, tomoroow is national day celebration!! yeay!!! which means no scho0l!! wo0ho0ho0!! and no scho0l for de 4 days after that!!! wows!!! damn fun.
(yah.. you wish siti.. you've got lots of studyin to do man!!)
i shal continue bloggin later..
(alot of fans surrounding me now) gtg..
broken by love 10:11 am