guess whad i did tis morn?
Saturday, October 30, 2004
woke up. bathe and got ready to go heeren. reach heeren. lined up for de free meet n greet tics given away. ija came. then a few other classmates of mine met us there n then went to catch a movie. after de long q-ing up, got de tics. idols came. evryone was frantically tryin to take shots of de idols. slyvesters fans are those noisy piece of shits. ever so girly and high pitchd. taufiqs co0l. i cant say much bout him. let ija do de rest of de ramblins.
i had super fuckin painful backaches due to de long n hoursome standin. and id almost melt back then.
ija no worries. not angry with you.
then we went to some shops and askd whether theres any vacanies. im especially desperate to fond a job. thot of bein a host at some ktv. go0d money and fast to0. to0 bad its unethical.
other personal problems are best not disclosed. therefore im endin tis entry here. on a sour note again. ok, not sour. rotten.
broken by love 4:39 pm
i do NOT know whadsup with my bf. he went offline!!! argh!!
i think im takin tis to0 hard.
i feel as sucky as i ever had felt. almost evrythin related to me stinks to de core. im just super upset unhappy and whad have you. i do NOT know why im feelin tis way. it really really stinks.
im really hatin my life as it is now. so controlled. so full of problems. so full of shites!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! IM DAMN IRRITATED!!!!!!
fuckin fuckin fuckin fuckin fuckers fuckin fuckin shites!!!!!!!!!!
whads come over me man!!!!!!!!???????????????????
im unstable. i gotta go. i have to0 many things on my mind that i just dont find bloggin it in helpful enuff. and i am really not okay. thank you for wonderin. but i dont feel like goin thru my life of fuckin problems and unhappiness with people of whom i may not even know. its just fuckin pissin me off. and to top it off, my bf is mia.
i know im hurtin peoples feelins esp my bf since he told me to control me emotions. but hanis, im sorry. i have to let it out. its hurtin me inside. and im hamdlin tis by myself. ive managed thus far and ill be able to do so stil. im hatin life as it is now. at tis very moment which i know ill regret in a few hrs or even minutes time. but im livin it as it is now. maybe its de typin and frustrations or whad de hell thats got into me to make me so full of rage and pissd.
to hell with evrythin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
broken by love 1:18 am
im damn happy. i suppose. for awhile back then.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
i got my results back. de papers only. not de part whether i retained or get promoted. i got 3 a level passes for my geog, malay a and accountin. and an e8 for my gp. im definitely happy that i passed tis promos. i kept forgettin that tis promos is up to 7o%. well, i dont care whether im gonna get promoted or not. for now, im happy with whad ive obtained. and that part, i can worry on next tuesday.
but my happiness was short lived. hanis cried. it shockd me for i was wonderin why. buthen, he cried because he was sad that his friend who worked hard for de promos had to retain. it is sad if you think about it. especially if you did your revision and stufs at de last minute and burnt de midnight oil de day before de papers and had thought you gonna be retained and instead, of you, someone else who had workd hard had taken your place. its sad right? i just dont know how to explain.
hanis, i hope you dont feel bad, hurt or offended because of tis entry. im here for you. and i dont mean to inflict more hurts and sadness in you. it just huts me to hear you so sad. i hope you did give her a hug. or anyone who you think deserves it.
anyway, i woke up tis mornin, thinkin that i was late. and then i lay there, on bed, starin at de ceilin. i was feelin weak, lazy and i guess a bit of sadness de night before (that is another story). anyway, i was feelin kinda down when i was goin to scho0l and i had tis really droopy eyes because of cryin de night before. it was damn funny when i think of it now. coz i cried when i was singin de national anthem. damn funny. and mr singh was up there on de stage, lo0kin down on us and there i was cryin while singin de anthem. i bet he thinks im singin whole heartedly and was so0 proud of bein in a country like Singapore. i am la, but not to de extent of cryin. i dont even cry when i sang de anthem on national day. sheesh.
luckily i end tis entry on a go0d note. i wont feel that bad and down now. i hope so. lets hope so.
hanis, i love you. stay strong. they need you to be stronger and more stable than they are now. so give them your hugs and assurance. and calm them down. they need you. like i need you to.
broken by love 9:29 am
im at home now. have tis back ache which de damn iritatin doc said was just my muscle achin. he's damn freakin stuck up man. i know you're go0d lo0kin and al la, but wit that kinda attitude, man, you aint goin anywhere. even though you're a doctor. forget it la dude. you aint go0d enough. in de words of de white chicks " i am freakin..pissed "
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
anyway, im stuck at home. for now. i hope. i wanna meet hanis. he said he's gonna meet me later. i hope it wont cork up cause if it does, then that stinks. not really. i have al de time to spend wit him tomorrow.
aww.. he's de sweetest thing ever! i love him so0 much. and its has been 1o months since we're together. did i ever mentioned that he is de longest i've been wit so far? yes, believe it or not. especially wit someone like him. first timer. kewl huh? definitely. not tryin to degrade him or anythin la. actually, its a compliment. to be able to maintain a first relationship well. thru al those rocky times and heart-stoppin moments when i spurt out those heart wrenchin words that will make both of us lost and helpless; to carry on livin on our own. own separate ways. its definitely painful. especially those moments - before, durin and after - those words bein said.
im really really grateful and happy to have him. he love me so much and he doesnt wanna let me go. its true whad my fren said. whad am i gonna do if he had agreed to breakin up wit me?? tis is for sure - i'll have difficulty breathin, my head will spin and my mind will be full of crazy thoughts. and i'll probably die. and it was me who was askin for de break up. i guess, deep down within me, i know for sure that he will never let me go. he had told me so ever many times before that he will never ever let me go. never ever. unless, its our time to perish. that one cant be helped la. but if he can ever mend de situation, he difinitely will. thats him; when it comes to our relationship especially. he'll still go al out and stufs to help others. even if he'll get de blame and al, he'll try to not get his friends in deep shit. it goes for his family to0. he'll feel bad and like he's de evil brother if his sis gets it from their mom. thats him. that is so him.
he may lo0k kukufied, mentally unstable and full of shit ( not that he has shit al over him ), he's actually a super caring, loving, appreciative, humble person i've ever met. he has big heart and a big 'ahem' as well ( hey, de latter - im kiddin. really. ) but seriously, he's a God sent.
i love you hanis
broken by love 11:30 am
listenin to green day while bloggin tis entry. im in de scho0ls library. i dont have anythin to say for now. my brain seems dead. i need more sleep. and i think i'll do that when im in de bus, goin to de newater thingy tis afterno0n for our learnin journey. im whackd. i wish im home now. i planned not to come to scho0l today. coz i wont be able to meet hanis if i do since it will be to0 late to crash at his place (i have to break my fast at 6.50pm). de whole thingy will end at 4.15pm but we will be returnin to scho0l first. sigh.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
im smsing hanis at de same time. we've been pretty okay hese few days. we had de 'monthly misundertandings'. im very troublesome. and ive hurt him alot. emotionally. which has lead to him being sick now, physically. since he has been mentally sick all tis while. hah! (hanis, dont be angry kay. later your fast 'batal'. *grins*)
sigh. luckily theres tis green day cd to cheer me up. yesterday was de last day of our post-promo activities. quite kewl actually. it was on for 2 days.
monday: we had tis financial plannin talk by de citigroup (or something like that). followed by de singin of de new scho0l song which was funny and a lil awful bcoz de song sounds like al those national-glory songs, with de damn high pitch endings of de word "..Millennia." then we had a break and de best programme, which is de life-saving course, after that. it was damn fun because there was like a short briefin and then we had hands-on. we (pu 1s) were divided into 6 groups, with de sixth group members extracted from de 5 home groups (hgs). luckily i was stil in my hg so i felt more 'at home'. there were 6 stations and my grp went to de liftin & transportin of casualties first. followed by de ways on how to splint injured areas, cpr and lastly we learned de different injuries such as burns and heat/cold (eg. hypothermia), de signs and symptoms and de ways to help reduce de pain and stuffs. de last station we dint have hand-on though.
tuesday: we had tis lifeskills enrichment on how to be a leader. ive had one such programme with them in my former sec scho0l (which explains why i find de instructor so familiar). tis was boring and by de end of de whole 3hrs (without break!), de whole cohort was obviously restless and noisy. we had a 15 mins break and then we had a talk by de principal. that was just for 45 mins i think which i dozed off for a while. after which we had a longer break and then carried on with de life-savings course. de first staion we went to was fun! de director of de whole thingy was funny. and de last station was very slow and steady but super quiet. had hands-on and i volunteered for de last station to be bandage.
overall, de whole post-promo activites was very enriching.
and after de whole day of activities, we slackd at de library and talked bout everythin!! de topic of Islam and Death i thought was de best. we learnt a lot from each others knowledge even though some of them i dint expect them to know so much bout some topics.
i think i better go off first. lettin nizam to use de comp.
p/s: thank you for updatin your blog at last hanis. love you.
broken by love 8:27 am
You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want
Monday, October 18, 2004
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
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broken by love 2:35 pm