
oh oh oh!!!! i forgot.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Theres a gig today, 3oth dec (for those who dont have calenders), at an art gallery a block from City Hall. You guys have to pay 5 bucks for it but its for charity, so dont grumble. It starts at 530pm. Bands like Ronin and The Leaven Trait will be there. For more info, check out tis site : www.rockthepit.tk
Check it OUt now!
broken by love 11:46 am
i am bored.
lalalalalala....
oh fuck. you know whad? im think im goin to my kampong tis evening. shit! i dont wanna go!!!!! tmrw syukurs havin bbq. and i wanna go to de gig tonight!!! wahhHH....!!!!!!!
tis sucks... *sulks*
but!.. *grins* i get to see him later stil!!! yeay!!! miss him. i wanna snog snog snog..... wheeee.... *dreamy*
heh. sorry.
i am still bored.
broken by love 11:40 am
Christmas eve was hell lot of fun!!! It was like a girls night out. Fantastic!! Thanks nat, maria, manda, ling fang and pearl. You guys really made my holiday come to a Great end.
Monday, December 27, 2004
It was fabbity fab fab!! Its been ages since I went out with girls. I usually hang out with hanis. Well, he is de ‘closest of them all’ now. So it was a very nice change to go out with those noisy bunch!
Actually, it wasn’t suppose to be a girls outing. De s5 was suppose to come but something croppd up. And they couldn’t. we were suppose to meet at 6 at somerset. Man it was packd. Met pearl first. She came at ard 530. She was out with her other friends before that. Then ling fang came. De three of us were wearin murky green bottoms. Pearl’s jean, ling fangs short skirt while mines long. I mean de skirt. Nevermind.
Oh yah.. and I saw shila, my pimary school friend who im still in touch with.
Nat and manda were late. Maria, very late. So we decided to walk ard first walkd from somerset to orchard. It was damn funny. Went out from de station, saw tis really cute van, all tied up like a christmas prezzie. I took a photo of it. Then we walkd on and saw a kimono dressd lady near de 7-11. It was weird. And I took a photo again. The other 2 monkeys said that I lookd like a tourist. Fine. We walkd towards taka, there were lots of people by 6plus in town and we startd all tis crap bout durian! Durian. Of all stuf. It startd when ling fang said that she wishd that she was carryin durians so people will make way for her and then she can walk properly without knockin into them. Then pearl said to put it in a bra so people cant knock into you. I added that by sayin that you have to put on de butt as well so they cant hit you from de front and de back, and you had to walkd in a very snobbish kinda style, whereby your boobs and butts really protrudes out.. (reminds me of haziq.) we kept laughin and talkin bout durians like nobodys business. Well, that’s true. It was nobodys business. Anw, we commented on people and stuf. Saw de cars outside I don’t know whad hotel but theres an esprit shop under it. (under it??) nvm that. Anw, we saw some band playin reggae-ish musics. That caused a human jam. And saw mashrufah and her boy just beside me and pearl goin de opp side. Then there were these tents set up and were depictin de story of christmas and stufs. I think. But there were dressd up peeps. And I told them that we’re gonna take photos with them as a group. Was so tempted to take photo with tis bearded guy. Wantd to have a shot with him, and me pullin his beard. Heh..
Touchd down at orchard station. Manda came at ard 7 and so did nat few minutes after. Oh yah.. wantd soo badly to do stoopid stufs. You know de mac near de station? Theres a glass pane dividin de shop and de walkway towards de station. And in de mac, directly in facin de walkway was a counter. There were a few boys sittin there, just starin and those passin by. I soo badly wantd to tease them!! Wantd to just walk normally and then very suddenly, just give a blur look directly in front of their face! That will sooo go0d!! but we didn’t do it!!!! So sad.
It was so funny, we kept getting excited over other stufs (like de teasin thingy, for me) that we couldn’t decide where to eat! De topic of “so where for dinner?” was kept interrupted by de other fascinatin stufs that we had in mind. In de end, we went to far east. On de 2nd floor, nats primary school friend recognised her and we stoppd to let them change numbers and stufs. tis mat was actually with his friends and one of them was MY primary school friend, aliff! (and was my first too. Was nothin though. Well, hanis saw him before. Im not in denial.) I wasn’t wearin my specs then. Then I saw de Guy I was crazily in love with!!! He was with them!!! Was feelin awkward.. calld out aliffs name and he saw me. Askd him whad was he doin there and whether he was just roundin. He said no la.. a little bit of roundin only. And then I was like yalah.. that’s roundin la. (all these were in malay so I translated them to as close as de meanin) then I walkd away. To my chinese friends and tryin to act cool since de Guy is still there. (nat was still not done) but after she was done, we made our way up to de 4th floor to have dinner.
I already had a bulgin tummy that I kept whinin about. Cant help it. De whinin I mean. De rest kept tellin me to eat more and that I was damn skinny. I think. Then de anorexic and bullimic talk startd and other stufs such as school, basically poly life. It sounds so bad to be in poly. And they have many excitin and interestin tales. Esp about their teachers. Funny, we, actually pearl to be specific, was talkuin really loudly. Till a point that someone said shh!! But I guess she couldn’t hear over her mega-loud voice. But nat and me certainly did. And afterwards, de other 2 monkeys did too. Pearl was oblivious man. Anw, I shared a 4 bucks plate of fried wantons with nat. de sauce was tasted urgh! But I dip those chunks of deep fried wrappd up thingies into de weird sauce and let it went down my throat. Actually, it wasn’t that bad la.
I was quite full before that. De other 3 monkeys ate noodles. And monkey ling fang, thank god she didn’t scratched her head - savin us de lice, kept repeatin that her noodles was spicy. “this is hot” was all I think that she said. She was kinda quiet through out de whole outing. Very reserved. Maybe was savin de bergy for de overnight.
Yes, we were suppose to stay overnight at pearls. Oh! But wait.. ling fang didn’t overnight. Hmm.. guess she was tired.
Anw, we met monkey maria on level one. She was hungry. Sigh.. de other monkeys went to engrave rings while me and nat bring monkey maria to es teler 77. Didn’t know it existed in far east. De mixed-something was nice. Had jackfruit and coconut in it. Wantd to taste their banana dish but there wasn’t any then. Got to know bout de banana on suria. Hey, how coincidental. De monkeys and de banana. *laughs* maria couldn’t have her avocado juice either. She lookd worn out. *laughs* well, she didn’t sleep, that’s why! Apparently her sis left on xmas eve, that was why she was late – sent her to airport, and stayd up de whole night talkin I guess. And de eyes. Looks tired. From lack of sleep. And I think from cryin as well. Even though, it doesn’t sound like maria then.
The other monkeys had quietly made their way to wisma. We had to go there and catch them. And they were drunk. Found them beside a VERY BIG beer bottle. Well, it was a balloon beer bottle. Very cute. And thanks to my super eyesight, I can still see them amongst de slackers on de steps, wavin frantically at us. They’re really monkeys. One: it was at night and de dim lights werent of any help. Two: there were many people on de steps. Three: these monkeys think they were very huge. And so they sat somewhere near a corner and startd wavin. Already ‘huge’ as they are, they sat on de 2nd lowest step, partially covered by de chairs of de nearby stall. Monkeys.
We made our way to de walkways where it seems like ants were busy doing their duties. It was jammd packd with singaporeans. Mostly. De moment we startd our ‘pilgrimage’ to where de tents that I had wantd to take photos was, we were ‘showered’ by man made snow. Instead of de heavenly thank yous, nat startd shriekin and cursin. De rest in tow, shirekd as well. It was damn funny. Esp lookin at nat. you can expect a “fuck!” evrytime someone near us startd sprayin de bottles of manmade snow. There were lots of people sprayin ard. That was when I realised whad de sprayin bottles was for. Cause I saw a few guys carryin it from de mrt station, thinkin that it was for some indoor party. Whad it was for was… for singaporeans to enjoy themselves and spray each other till they were covered in foams and stringy bits! It was very very very good! You can see people sprayin other people. Just anyone who startd sprayin, will get sprayd back by others. For example, me. Stooooopid fools. Those monkyes too. Actually, I greatly think that it startd from maria. She said her bottle cant work. Then when It does, I was de first to get it. Since I was direclt in front of her. Then, all de other monkeys startd sprayin and I think some other peeps. But then, de jokes on her!!! She gets sprayed and then everyone whos near her and those walkin by startd shootin her like mad!! She had to slouch to prevent her face from getting it. She lookd like de back half of Frosty de snowman. Damn wickd. Took photos. Nat still fuckin around. *laughs*
Reachd de tent but de sprayin never stoppd. Almost every 1o secs, you can hear de sound of sprayin. Or de peeps shriekin. Some enjoyin de festivity. Some like nat. *laughs* tried to take photos but it was tough. De crowd was soo much!!! Managed to get a few though. And I get to pull de beard!!!
We carried on walkin. And then came to a spotless area – de stage. De girls are so0 clean!! But they had already warned not to spray on de stage. Dammit! I was already pretendin to spray them and nat said don’t. I told her I knew. Then monkey pearlyn said that they were too clean and wanted to spray them too! *laughs* very slow monkey. See, we de excos of de council do do crazy stufs. I mean ex excos.
Had tonnes of fun. Suddenly when we were walkin towards wisma, manda suddenly turnd ard in panic sayin that she lost her phone. They went back to de centre of de massive crowd and I taild but then I lookd at de ant-like hustle, I was like “how to get it back?”. And that’s it . no phone for manda. We consoled her and she made a calls and de rest helpd her while I took photos of de overpopulated orchard road. I saw a girl sittin on de high walls and I was temptd to do so. And so, in my long skirt, I climbd and took photos of town. With de christmas spirit ever so high. And I even had a guy tryin to take a photo of me while walkin from down below. I just lookd at him and gave him a friendly smile before I took his. It was such a nice feelin. To have unknown people smilin at you in a joyous mood, takin photos of other happy people. It was truly de spirit of christmas. Or at least, de hols.
Came down and manda was on phone with her mom. On de verge of cryin but she managed to hold it back for a mere few more seconds. Or else, de day will be sour. But luckily, she managed to forget about it for awhile and we carried on with de joyous moments. Kinda joyous. We actually ran to paragon to de m1 shop cause of her phone. She terminated her line though. Not sure whad she had to get there from. But on de way there, we went thru de underpass and took photos of us on de walls. Damn funny. Then we continued runnin. Monkey nat kept askin why are we runnin? *laughs* actually, that was after we had reachd de shop to find out that it had already closed. Sheesh. But then, we took photos with some balloon –like rudolph and santa outside de shop. It was kinda embarrassin esp since its beside starbucks (or was it coffee bean?) and theres a table of people lookin at us like we’re some clowns. Well, we’re not! We’re monkeys. Well, not me though.
Anw, I kissd nat under a mistletoe! Wasn’t really a mistletoe. It was just some hung up decorations with dangling bits. Guess where we did that?! Directly in front of de escalator!! In public. Yes, in public. We’re promotin de gay rights. Hah!
Then we I-do-no-know-why we ran to I-do-not-know-where and found a christmas tree in de centre of paragon. And there was red walls and nat decided to take photos. And I snoggd her again. Very fun. Not de snoggin la. I basically thought de first one was bad. I mean de photos. Didn’t really show, unless you zoomed on it. And still I wasn’t quite satisfied. Hence, I told nat, next year we will perfect our kiss. Mua mua muah…
I’d rather snoggd hanis you know. More romantic. Ha….*dreamy*
Well, then we parted after some how again, we ran. But not before we took some more photos in front of a crystal christmas tree. Monkey maria wantd to. I guess we were runnin ard because we were tryin to find de tree. Anw, me and nat made our way to orchard mrt station. It was like goin into de jb. But we managd to run and squeezed ourselves thru de pack. They had some detour kinda stufs at de entrance nearest to us so we had to go to de other side and enter. Whad they made actually was a one way kinda thing. And my ez link shit me, even though I prayd for my card to still have value, and I had to share it with someone in front of me after a minute cause I was like a milestone away from de machine. Anw, we just kept on runnin and nat said her line “why are we runnin?” and then we walkd. After that we stard skippin when we were goin towards de nel platform. Damn stupid la. And nat met her friend. We talkd on de journey home and lookd at de pics taken.
I panickd. Don’t know where to drop at since I didn’t tap my card and was scared to get found out. So droppd with nat since she said there a machine within de boundary. Sure enough there it was. But it shit on me when it stated that it can only deposit de change of $1 back. Sheesh. So had nat to tap out first and top up my card for me. Still, I couldn’t tap on my side. And nat had to help me tappd on de entrance side. Stupid me then tappd again, now on my side. And walkd thru but because I tappd again de blockade came down and whammd me on my waist, before bouncin back open. I was tryin to not panickd since de control staion was just a few metres away. So I had to tahan my pain and just kept sayin pain pain pain and groan before I can rubbed my side and ease de pain. Monkey nat wasn’t payin much attention to me then. I bet she had other stuffs on her mind then since we were meetin nizam. When I reachd in front of nizam and kinda out of sight from de control station, I began rubbin my bone profusely. And then sensin de tension and silence, I excused my self and told them that they need not need to send me to de bustop anymore. I’ll make it. I will survive!!… ouch.
Oh and guess whad? I get that whammin for nothin cause I had to deduct 4ocents yesterday because de control officer said that I didn’t tappd out on my last train ride. Punktart.
Thanks monkeys for de day. It was memorable. I was in really great need of companies. Having girls around was always full of giggly and bitchy conversations. I truly enjoyed your companies. And monkey maria, whad you said was really heartwarmin. Its never too late. I guess I never truly treasure you guys till im in deep shit and you guys are always there for me. Despite bein in different schools and stufs. Even though we’re always seem so far, we’re all still close at heart. I love you guys. We, de 20o3-2o04 excos is de BEST! Wo0ho0!!!
I really want to meet up again tis new years eve. But I think I’d rather not. Better take care of my dad at home. Hope you guys understand. Well, you guys always do. Thanks, my friends.
Umm.. im still lo0kin forward to meet you guys anytime soon you know. Even when school reopens. Well, I’ll try.
Anw, kinda late to say tis but hey, its never too late for anythin right? So, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
wow.. tis is hell long. anw.. i still love you Hanis.
broken by love 10:54 am
Friday, December 24, 2004
broken by love 8:39 pm

This Indian Mat, I love so much.
broken by love 11:34 am
Ok guys, after many weeks of waiting for my dear boyfriend to do the photos for me, he managed to do it for me. But, now it's too small. He sends his apologies. So here are the corrections. Enjoy!
Hari raya wit o4b5
I love him so0 much.
I just have to post tis la.. ‘amek kau zul..’
I really hope tis wont happen in real life… de switchin of partners. Urgh.
it was hanis' idea to kick zuls butt… honest. *smirks*
hihih.. bollywo0d pose. Achar achar…
at ijas place. Group photo of b5.
in de bus to zuls place.
another photo I love. I especially love de guy beside me.
Hari raya wit peicaians
like nats blog states... foursome.
my ex. Hanis thought we were holdin hands! Hahah… I sense insecurity.
I love these 4 next photos. Esp de first 3.
the blacks
the orange
the blues
the ‘extras’
de jambus aka minahs… except for me.
de hensem aka mats..
de Peicaians
nat complimentd me. Her mom did to0. They said im pretty. But nats jambu (pretty) to0.
Only that im prettier than her la. Wahahahahah!
I have lots more pics to post but I guess some other time. Enjoy for now!
broken by love 1:27 am
im really shocked by it all. i had never thought that it will be that way. it was unbelievable.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
i woke tis morn and decided to go online. initially, to read hanis's blog but like he said, its spoilt. so called. and he's doing a new one which he has yet to let me know. anw, he's comp's having problems too. so i decided to check out nat's blog and i had a feeling she'd replied me on her tagboard since she didnt replied to my sms de other day. and i honestly couldnt believe that it was that bad..
so whad went wrong? well, i for sure, dont know. and i bet even nat doesnt. because it hit you so hard till you cant think. it really needs time. like de saying goes, time heals all wounds. or something like that. but thats if nothing is being done to de situation. its hard. ive been there but i guess im lucky to say this for my other half never seems to wanna let go. ok, im being an ass here. im sorry nat. i didnt mean to make it harder for you.
i really was upset for her when i read her blog. it was so unbelievable. so when i tagged her, i wanted to say that i was sad for her and basically, whad she's exactly feeling. but that was stupid. so i dint. cause i find it wrong. i wanna be strong for her. not to be equally down.
nat, im here. i really dont know whad to say to you. i really wish we can meet and help you understand or do somethin bout de situation. and im thinkin of de worst case scenario for you now cause i really dont know how bad de sitch is. well, hope to see you at de christmas gathering tomorrow, if its still happenin. i just dont wanna say de wrong stuffs to you now since i really dont know how bad it is and i really dont want to aggravate de wound. but dont worry, im not blamin you. or him. sometimes things get in de way. and sometimes, no matter how hard you tried to stop de breaking ups and all, if its meant not to lasts, well, then it wont. im sorry for sayin that. im really sorry but i just had to. you can choose to ponder over it or just stop listenin to me blabberin.
honestly, it hit me hard too when i read your blog. cause for now, at tis point in time, i only have hanis and you. i had been lonely during tis hols and turbulent year basically. de closest person i can really let it all out and is always there for me is hanis. till you came into de picture recently. and i really appreciate it. i really do. i do have friends who cares about me in tis new school but i dont see them and in contact with them now. rarely. i just dont wanna tell people about it. unless they approach me. (well it just struck me that thats how you're feelin. im so dumb.) but thats when i know that they truly cares. its heartwarmin to know so. and im really grateful for that. and for me thank yous are usually not enough for great length of things done for me. so, i really wish i can be there for you and help you go through tis sitch, stronger.
i dont know whad to say anymore. just take care and we're all here for you girl. like you've been for us. we love you. and remember, death is not de solution.
oh, and kelly, thanks! i didnt expect to receive any congrats yest. i was merely kiddin when i blogged. thanks again babe.
looks like yest was memorable to both of us nat. just that one is opposite of de other.
and another similarity, is that, we both love them alot.
broken by love 10:49 am
Wow.. a year has passed. I still remembered those days when we were still "bruder and sister". But still, i had started missing you so badly then especially when you went to Australia for your holiday. And those times where I would count the days to our monthly anniversary. And today, its the 12th month!! Well, for first timers, especially for you, its not bad. To stay in your first ever relationship this long. And hey, its my first ever longest relationship too. Even with the history of ex(s). So, congratulate us!! *grins*
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
You’ve seen me cry due to sadness, anger and even of joy. Laugh at your malay, other stuffs you do with your friends = (behind my back) and at your silly antics, pissed because of stuffs at home and the misunderstandins. Euphoric when i see nice stuffs or good looking guys, usually the latter. Blur (and gullible) about things you that told me and i stoopidly fall for it ( that's because i have so much trust in you. not that im dumb or gullible you know. yeah yeah, your turn to laugh at me. ) And yes, last but not least, definitely the Evil Me such as times where i have nenek and ibu to counter you back, cause i know you're so helpless when they're the ones countering you. Hah! Hey, yeah.. The countering! I forgot about that. Yes, those countering between Yellow and Green, that im tall ( i am la ), and that im ugly ( he thinks im pretty. weird fella.. )
It’s the sweetest thing ever to have you in my life. Even though we did ran into lots of misunderstandings, our own 'too' personal problems that we cant talked about, time constraints, other commitments and not forgetting those oh-so-close break ups, which affected us personally and the relationship, leaving us feeling hurt, angered and frustrated by it all. But we've always managed to overcome those obstacles and emerged stronger. A stronger individual. A stronger relationship. And a stronger us. We’re a year stronger!
Thank you for everything that you’ve done and gone through for and/or with me. Even those little things like doing my hair when its messy or when its poking my eye and those hugs that always makes me feel good, better than words. And that I can always count on you cause i know you're there for me. To him, just to see my smile even for a sec, will make his day. And that goes the same for me too. Without you, I would have been a much more irresponsible individual.
And i wanna thank God to for this Gift of his. And im truly grateful for His Gift. Maybe he's sent for me, to go through this very rocky year. Mine and my family's. He's my pillar when i feel like falling and supports me along the way. He may not be there for me always (physically) but deep down in me, i've learnt to know that he's there. With a little help from telepathy..
You’re my boyfriend,
My bestfriend and family.
I Love You Hanis,
And I know too
That you love Me.
.Loving you is an experience of a lifetime.
broken by love 1:30 am
actually, i dont really feel like updatin. but i just had to cause i really wanna say that hanis lo0kd damn go0d today!!! he lo0kd damn yummy!!!
Monday, December 20, 2004
even though i just watchd a few late night tv programmes with yummier guys in it. and one that lo0kd like his bro. freakd me out. not that his bro freaks me out la. de thought of havin feelins for that guy on tv and since he lo0ks like his bro, its like equals to likin his bro. get it? its so... uh! freaky!!
anw, since im already typin, i just wanna say a huge thank you to siti natasha bte ramlan and md khairulnizam bin md yusoff (sorry if i spelt wrongly) for today. your presence was greatly appreciated. it was damn sweet of you guys to come and visit even though we're no longer that close plus not to mention, not in de same scho0l anymore. it felt go0d that im really blessd with friends that truly cares. i love you guys.
and you to0 hanis. it was very sweet of you. and im sorry. i knew i shouldnt thought badly of you. i always knew you had your reasons for doin or not doin somethin. i love you very much. and you do lo0k damn scrumptious! so0 damn go0d lo0kin!!!! *smo0ches* thank you.
and we werent that squishd at de rear. its common. esp with nenek ard in de car. *laughs* and it lo0ks like my mom doesnt hate you. *laughs* not like she ever did.
i think.
anw, i cant sleep yet. but i have to. seems like a Day tmrw. i mean today.
God, please give us strength and will to carry on. esp to my parents. i hope im not a bad daughter. anw, im tryin to change. cause i love them so much. and it hurts to see them hurt. or cryin because it was as if i dont care. but i do care. just that i dont know and want to show it. i stil cant say im sorry to my mom face to face properly. i love you to0 God. please lessen my parents worries and burden. and help that uncle by my dads bed as well. i really pitied him and its so sad to see him so lonely. at least do some miracle and sent his children to visit him at de hosp even if hes a very hotheaded old man. love him. and love us. for we love you God. amin.
broken by love 2:58 am
you know whad? i think he knew i that i was wonderin why he didnt sms me cause i just receivd a message from him!!!! telepathy. tis will exist in those who spend alot of time with de other and is so0 close that you can actually sense them even if they're not there wit you.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
actually, thats de power of love.
vol 1. *laughs*
i miss you and love you so0 muchies!!!
broken by love 11:03 pm
Todays jammin was fun! I sang songs. But that was like only after one hour has passd. I didn’t know whad kind of music and whad songs they were playin so I slackd first. It was very fun. De only thin that was a turn off was de genre. It was mostly rock. MALAY rock. Urgh. But I do know most of de OTHER malay songs that they playd. Im very much a malay listener, then. De only song that was in english that I knew was pearl jams last kiss. Theres tis song titled faded black, I think. They did some fusion thing which was damn co0l. they had startin of ulek mayang (a traditional song, think from m’sia. Or indo)and de faded black as de intro and then another malay song, continuously playd. It was nice. Traditional malay to english rock to malay umm.. emo rock I think. Very co0l. and im so awed by my cousins. They can play quite well I must say. Esp de drummer. He’s damn go0d!! and he learnt it by himself and just by listenin songs. And he just had to listen to de guitarist and bassist and he can play along. They are now at de beach, findin inspiration and practicin. We went to upper seletar to do de same just now to0.
And im damn sad!!! I didn’t get to see taufik dance!!!!! I thought by not goin wit them to de beach I could get home in time for de 2nd telecast of de finals of singapore idol. But I got to know it startd at 7.30. well, at elast that’s whad my bro told me. Im damn pissd la!!!! I wanna see de intro… his dance!!!! Bo0ho0!!! Nvm. I had some bondin session wit my mom, at least.
I hope hanis read tis. Cause I miss him so0 super much. And I didn’t receive any sms from him. Not sure whether he couldn’t msg me or whether he received my msg. Cause I told him not to0 msg to0 much since it’ll cost him a lot…
Slys voice is quite nice whad.. and hes cute to0.
But taufik is damn freakin hot and co0l!!!!!! *laughs* that’s so0 contradictin.
Lo0ks like ive got lots of competition. Ija… nat… hahaha… btw, nat, now that both of us are single (no bfs for a few days) wanna go out?? And wash our eyes… wanna wanna wanna???
Lastly, I wanna say I love you hanis. Mmuachs!!!! And im so0 sorry but i THINK IVE FALLEN FOR TAUFIK!! *laughs* its quite obvious right? You should know me. Umm… so... can i go for to your place on 12th??? he'll be there right?? right??? i want him!!!
umm... next to you... of coz..
i think.
broken by love 10:49 pm
i forgot.
Friday, December 10, 2004
HAPPY BURPDAY TAUFIK!!!!! BURrrp. I LOVE YOU!!!!
i hope hanis dont mind me type tis. i just wanna tell taufik that his song with his band, de one feat syaheed, is DAMN FREAKIN NICE!! move ya body....!!!!
he should put that piece and de other one they've composed on his new album which will be out so0n. like damn so0n. 18th dec!! go get it peeps.
i still love you more hanis. muachs!!! you're my idol... *laughs* so cheesy and pseudo.
broken by love 11:19 pm
i actually had an entry typed out tis morn but my sto0pid comp.. bastard me again.
anw, my baby boy is in vietnam now!! bo0ho0! i didnt sent him off just now even though i really wantd to but he's goin to visit his dad plus enjoyin de hols to0, with his mom and sis! i cant be there. i'll cry my ass of anyway. then it'll be damn sad la. anw, im fine. did i mention that he's de sweetest thing ever? he messaged me from time to time on whad he's doin over there! so0 sweet!! he's usin his moms phone though. its ard 9 plus at night there. he's at a malaysian restaurant. he said he missd me and had updated his blog. but i dont see any new entry. i stil see my exhiliratinly weird photo. he reachd there at 2plus singapoe time tis afterno0n. i hoped he enjoys himself there. and i hope he didnt forget to tell his dad that i said hi..
im goin jammin tomorrow. believe it or not. hah! actually im suppose to go for de past sessions to0 but im always had somethin else on those days. anw, im goin tomorrow so no shit. *laughs* im crappy. then accordin to tomorrows plan, we're headin to de beach after that to compose songs.. *laughs* tis is so freaky. not sure whad to do yet though. anw, tis bunch of peeps im goin wit are my cousins! co0l huh?! al guys of coz. and my oldest cousin thats goin tmrw, abg safari, heard he's draggin de gf along. gosh. im gonna be so0 out of place. but hey, i think she'll be out of place.
jamie yeo just read someones dedication and de person wishd taufik a happy burfday and jamie made tis kissin effect. TAUFIK LOoK OH SOo YUMMY just now!!!!! on suria. de gerls went crrraaazzeeee!!!! he sang 2 songs, belaian jiwa (asian pop) and i dream. de 2nd song was so0... wo0ho0!! he was singin when tis makcik (auntie) came down to give him a gift and she kissd him!!! OH.. MY... GOD!!!! i wanna kiss to0!!!! i wasnt showin much interest just now. but now, i feel like one to do so to0!!! i bet ija is cursin at those other gerls who gave prezzies and had hugs wit him. either that or she went like," ARGH!!!! TAUFIK!!!!!" *laughs* relax kay ija... maintain. at least, YOU GOT TO TAKE PHOTOS WITH HIM!!!! bo0ho0.
i still have my idol. my boyfriend!!!! he worships me and i worships him. we're co0l.
i miss hanis. and i love him lots. and i wanna apologise for de photos in de entry before tis. i must wait for my hero hanis to rescue me from de grasp of de computer glitch.
i'd better stop. i dont think im makin any sense now.
but tis does make sense. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOo MUCH DARLIN. have fun yak? cuddles and smo0ches awaits your safe return on tuesday.or wednesday.
oh god!! he messaged me again!!! so0 sweet!!! now on his phone!! and it costs hell alot!! he said blogger screwd up. *laughs* i knew that. thats why theres no new entry on his blog. well, he can read mine.
and yes hanis, i miss and love you lots to0. you take care to0 k sweetie.
broken by love 10:45 pm
I was aghast to see my photo doin a funny pose on haniss blog! I actually gave a shriek!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
But it was super sweet of him.
Hari raya wit o4b5
I love him so0 much.
I just have to post tis la.. ‘amek kau zul..’
I really hope tis wont happen in real life… de switchin of partners. Urgh.
it was haniss idea to kick zuls butt… honest. *smirks*
hihih.. bollywo0d pose. Achar achar…
at ijas place. Group photo of b5.
in de bus to zuls place.
another photo I love. I especially love de guy beside me.
Hari raya wit peicaians
like nats blog states... foursome.
my ex. Hanis thought we were holdin hands! Hahah… I sense insecurity.
I love these 4 next photos. Esp de first 3.
the blacks
the orange
the blues
the ‘extras’
de jambus aka minahs… except for me.
de hensem aka mats..
de Peicaians
nat complimentd me. Her mom did to0. They said im pretty. But nats jambu (pretty) to0.
Only that im prettier than her la. Wahahahahah!
I have lots more pics to post but I guess some other time. Enjoy for now!
broken by love 7:20 pm
whad i had wrote last night.
my parents.. my MOM sucks. i hate her now. im home at 8pm and she's being a bitch about it. "tomorrow go out again la! go where tomorrow, de day after tomorrow?! hanis's house ah!"
fuck.
it really is fucked upbecause i just had a really stupid misunderstandin with hanis. we were all fine when headin home and i thought he was hiding something that disturbed him from me. like did i say or did somethin wrong? so i kept askin him because he kept sayin no. i stoppd buggin him when he said 'there's nothin' and he's fine, just that he didnt know whad to say. then we were okay again, teasin each other, when i... shit! i started de whole thing!! im damn fuckin stupid la!
we were listenin to de songs on his i-pod when i told him that de green i-pod is nicer than his gold one. then we started disagreein each other. he said that i was de one who told him to cho0se de gold and not de green.. and i told him no. i told him to cho0se de green.. after a few more yes and nos, then he said " so my fault la.." and I shot back a " I dint say it was your fault!" I turnd to my left and lo0kd out of de window, knowin we’ve had yet another misunderstandin. Both of us went silent then. I felt bad.. and after a few long minutes, I decided to make things better by sayin that I was wrong and I said " oh yah.. I think it was gold…." And he cut me short by sayin " forget about it " I was crushd. I broke down. It felt like evrythin I did was wrong. I know it was stupid to actually pretend like that, but I was hopin it would turn out for de better. I was so wrong. And stupid.
I just remembered that I told him to cho0se gold after his brother/mom said that de green I-pod was ‘girlie’. You see, he wasn’t with his family when they bought de I-pods cause he was out with me and that was why he askd for my opinion on which colour to cho0se. since de green was ‘girlie’, I had to cho0se between gold and silver. But I really remembered that I chose green first, even though tis happenend a few months back.
Then I had to make things worst when we were boardin 147. I was kinda pissd because I thought im gonna miss de bus. I had wantd to transfer de forks and spo0ns plus my brownie container from his bag, which I was carryin, to my bag, which he was carryin. He said ‘later’. I was like okay then. I knew he wantd a ‘talk’. We always have these ‘talk’s after any corkd up situations/day together. Then a few minutes later he said ‘de bus is here’. I panickd cause de stuffs are stil in his bag and I startd diggin for de stuffs which somehow doesn’t wanna come out cause de pocket was small. I startd feelin angry cause I don’t wanna miss de bus and im in such a rush. Then, he said ‘later la’ and I was wonderin later when?! De bus is a few metres away by then. Then I think he said ‘at your place’ and it just struck me then while I was stompin towards de bus that he was sendin me home! Im damn stupid la! I thought he knew that he should just see me off since we stoppd at a bustop near his area. (he didn’t wanna go down de bustop before cause I thought he wantd extra time for us to, I don’t know, ‘talk’..) but im damn stupid lah cause he obviously didn’t know whad I was thinkin right? But I hope we’re ok now even though im a bit ‘ouch’ that he didn’t wait for me to do our signature ‘flyin kiss’. He just turnd and walkd off after I gave him a hug and a peck on de cheek. And I still had de cheek to say " I still think it was green " and gave him a smile. Thought that would help, I don’t know, cheer him up. I was teasin him. That’s why im doubtin whether he’s ok. And I have not received a message from him, yet. I hope he didn’t get screwd by his mom.
My parents really hate me. My dad was screwin me like hell. To me, it was like hell since he rarely screw me. He made me feel like shit. Like an adopted child. like I don’t have feelins. Just now when my mom was fuckin irritatin and purposely sho0t me by sayin where am I goin to tomorrowand all, her tone was full of fuckin shit. I was like " deaf ah! " kept repeatin de same stupid fuckin questions. I was in my ro0m though and they were in de living ro0m.
And these 2 people on de radio had a fuckin day, like me.
Luckily, music helps. Simple plan’s ‘welcome to my life’ is on now. Its whad im feelin now.
I added some more words here and there. But I had written tis whole entry yest night by 9pm.
I wrote another anger-filld short entry later on in de night.
Fuckd up
Im not suppose to hate my life.
That’s bein ungrateful.
So, im hatin my parents instead.
Or at least, de way they bring me up.
Its damn fuckin sucky.
And I think im gonna die so0n because of my rude, indecent, disturbin and whad have you behaviour and attitude.
Nauzubillahminzalik
I don’t wanna die yet. I wanna experience my future,
Oh god al-mighty, give me and my family go0d health and longevity. Dengan berkat dan rahmatmu ya allah, insya-allah. Amin.
I love hanis.
I have another one.
I love tok.
I love nenek.
Im gonna stay home from tomorrow onwards till 22nd dec. my.. or should I say our.. big day! Except when im gonna bayar my nazar and just maybe sendin him off or seein hanis’s arrival from vietnam.
I cant wait for scho0l to re-open!!!
That’s it. 5 papers of entry. And scribblins.
I met hanis just now though. Wantd my cam and belt. He was teasin me and we were happy-happy. And I come to realise now that he’s okay today! Wow. Usually he needs a few days to get back to his ol self. He must have considerd whad I told him. Forgive and forget. We did apologised and all during yests ‘talk’. And ive forgotten whad happenend. That’s me. Its my gift I guess. I don’t bear grudges. But it does make me angry when I suddenly think bout ol stufs and whad others had done to me.
Thought my dad said we were goin to de beach. Again. Since I had great fun yest. Even though there were on 6 of us. Ija, izati, hanis, kumar, zul and me! It was fun because we can enjoy each others company. I doubt we’ll have that much fun if we were a bigger group and theres 2 diff cliques.
Wow! Ive found my another god’s gift! I can actually know de spellin of a word that I don’t even know how to spell!! How co0l is that!
Thank you god. And im obeyin my parents wish and commands wit a tinge of reluctance and indifference. As if im hatin stufs Im told to do. Which I do. But I enjoyd some to0. Like, I had just co0kd a dish just now. but i did went overboard cause my dad's sick and all and i kept goin out.. anw,Yeay for me! i co0kd a dish. I was actually thinkin like if im married to hanis, and I co0kd that super simple dish, will he like it? Eat it?…..
I think he will! Heheh… cause he loves me lots.
broken by love 6:32 pm
yest, was retribution day. hah! it was fun fun fun!
Sunday, December 05, 2004
he washd de dishes, helpd to lay out de fo0ds and i bullied him al de way. that was fun. and my gay bro was with us. and i was huggin hanis like he didnt evn existed. hahah. but i kept turnin to him to hug him but he pushd me away. it was disgustin. i lo0kd like a paedophile. a female one.
nenek was laughin and kept tellin hanis to go into de livin ro0m and watch tv. but i kept askin him to do chores. and there was one part when i was washin de dishes ( alot of dishes yest), and he was standin behind me, lo0kin out of de window and startd sayin dialogues like those form drama serials. those i-thought-we-were-meant-to-be kind of lines. that was stupid. made me laugh hard.
im super bored. and i wanna buy alot of things. but im not supposed to. since my family needs de money. but actually, i dont even use my parents money. okayla. i Rarely use their money. de last time was for my heels. that was like a few months ago. i sometimes wonder why i cant have a life like other people who are so damn fuckin lucky. they can have whadever they want. money keeps comin in to their wallet. and still, most of them keep complainin not bein up to standard and rarely appreciate whad they have. i admit that at times like these, im like one of them. but de difference about me is that im not damn fuckin lucky as them. im just lucky. lucky to have a family that loves me, a house to live in, necessities to keep me alive and some branded stuffs and gadgets to get by. my mom gives me money for scho0l so when im not scho0lin like now, im penniless. ive been survivin mostly on my grandads money for my other expenditure that he 'deposit' to me. i cant imagine my life if he's gone.
thats exactly whad i was thinkin yest that made me wept when i was sittin behind him and beside hanis. he was on de flo0r and leena (my baby cousin) was on de bed. he was playin with her, made her laugh. and im just lo0kin, starin at her then him, from behind. i caught a glance of hanis and suddenly tears start formin. i just stoned there. my grandad... i wonder whad i would do without him.. whether he will be able to see my child and do de same. hanis touchd me on my back but im not sure whether he knew whad i was thinkin and feelin.
i love you tok. and nenek. and my parents. hahah. my face is wet now.
lastly, i love you hanis.
broken by love 6:10 pm